Many of the clients I work with are individuals coming out of 20+ year marriages, often with teenagers or grown children and significant marital assets. My practice is geared toward addressing the complexities of dividing substantial estates. These divorces are about more than property; they’re about securing futures and protecting what matters most. Some common themes that come up in these situations include:
Biggest Fears Differ for Men and Women
The concerns my clients bring to my office often differ based on gender. While there are exceptions, there are recurring themes.
For Women:
The primary fear for many women is losing time with their children. They’ve often been the primary caregivers, the ones saying goodnight, attending school events, and being there for every milestone. The idea of shared custody can feel like an earth-shattering disruption.
Financial concerns also weigh heavily, but these are often alleviated once we gather a clear picture of the marital assets. Knowing they will have enough monthly cash flow to maintain their lifestyle brings significant relief. Partnering with a financial advisor, we analyze the numbers and create a plan to ensure financial stability.
Acceptance allows you to focus on what you can control, such as creating the best possible co-parenting arrangement and maintaining your relationship with your children.
For Men:
Men, on the other hand, often express their greatest fears about financial losses. Dividing assets, potentially giving up half of what they’ve built, and starting over can feel overwhelming. While this is a significant concern, I remind them that time is on their side—even in their 40s or 50s, there’s plenty of opportunity to rebuild wealth and improve financial standing.
Reality Checks Are Important
One of the most important aspects of my role is helping my clients set realistic expectations. I’m upfront with clients about what they can and cannot control. For example, when it comes to custody, courts will typically award reasonable parenting time to both parents unless there are extreme circumstances like addiction or abuse. For parents struggling with the thought of not seeing their children every night, it may be something that you have to face and work through. Child custody is not all or nothing. Even if you are not the primary caregiver, you are still entitled to time with your children in most circumstances.
While this can be hard to hear, it’s a crucial step in moving forward. Acceptance allows you to focus on what you can control, such as creating the best possible co-parenting arrangement and maintaining your relationship with your children. If the divorce is one you initiated, this conversation is often easier. If it’s not, it requires more care and reassurance, but the message remains the same—this is part of the process.
Financial Complexities Require Clear Guidance
Financial concerns are another area where clear guidance is essential. For divorces involving straightforward assets like retirement accounts, your primary residence, and savings, reaching an agreement is usually manageable. Situations involving more complex assets, such as stock options, real estate investments, or business ownership, require detailed attention and expertise.
When dividing assets, fears about the future often create an additional layer of complexity. Seeing it as an opportunity to rebuild or ensure a steady and reliable monthly income is important. Both approaches are tailored to alleviate fears and provide a clear path forward.
Final Word
Divorce is a process filled with emotional and financial challenges but, with the right support, it’s possible to get through it and achieve an outcome that works for you. Whether your primary concern is your children, your finances, or both, know that you don’t have to face this alone. As your attorney, I’m here to provide legal advice but also a sense of stability and confidence in your future.
