The Dual Challenge of Addiction and Divorce

Tina Black

By Tina Black, Therapist at Coaching & Consultation Network

Updated January 10, 2025

Divorce is a complex process that can be further complicated if one or both spouses are navigating the lifelong challenge of addiction. Finding support is critical because the emotional toll of divorce can exacerbate issues and test your sobriety. In many ways, divorce can feel like a losing proposition, even though it is possible to win as you move forward with your life. A therapist can help you face the difficult concept of splitting up your life, family, and assets, while you start to imagine your new reality.

If you are dealing with addiction and divorce, here are some things to consider:

The Dual Challenge

When to Seek Therapy

Many clients come to me because they are either dealing with their own addiction or trying to cope with a partner’s substance use disorder. Addiction is rarely the sole cause of a divorce, but it often exacerbates existing issues. It can add a little gas to the fire with the problems that are already there. The strain of substance use on relationships, combined with threats to shared custody or demands for supervised visitation, can be overwhelming and prompt both individuals and couples to seek therapy. For some, the threat of losing access to their children serves as a wake-up call to address their addiction and mental health.

The willingness of the addicted parent to engage in recovery is the primary indicator of a positive outcome.

Addiction is a Lifelong Challenge

One of the most important things to understand about addiction is that it is a lifelong battle. Recovery isn’t a destination but a journey. While therapy can be incredibly helpful at certain points—particularly in the early stages or during life transitions like divorce—ongoing support is critical.

Twelve-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA), offer invaluable support networks. These programs provide a foundation for lifelong recovery, teaching coping skills and fostering a sense of community. Therapy often complements these programs, helping individuals address underlying issues and navigate the complexities of life in recovery.

Advice for Those in Recovery

The stress of the divorce process can be a significant trigger for relapse. If you’re in recovery and navigating a divorce, now is the time to double down on the strategies that have helped you maintain sobriety. Increase your attendance at 12-step meetings, stay in close contact with your sponsor, and lean on your recovery community. Therapy can also provide additional support, helping you process the emotions of divorce and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Self-care is also essential during this time. Focus on the basics like food, rest, and keeping your space tidy. These things help us feel better day in and day out, make better choices, and handle stressful situations better. Physical activity is a great stress reliever and one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Consider incorporating mindfulness practices, like meditation or breathwork, to help manage intense emotions.

Impact on Child Custody

Addiction doesn’t just affect the individual, it impacts the entire family. Often, there are concerns over custody arrangements. Parents can be very intent on exercising their rights. An addicted spouse may realize that their substance use is jeopardizing their ability to maintain custody or even see their children, which can be a motivator to seek help. In other cases, a spouse seeks support because they’re struggling with whether to stay in the marriage or move forward with divorce due to their partner’s addiction. They may wonder if their spouse’s environment is safe for the children and might fight for sole custody or supervised visitation. In some situations, a child advocate or expert may be appointed to assess the home and make recommendations for custody arrangements.

Optimizing Outcomes

The willingness of the addicted parent to engage in recovery is the primary indicator of a positive outcome. A parent who is open to treatment, drug screening, 12-step programs, and ongoing support has a much better chance of maintaining custody and rebuilding trust within the family. These measures not only ensure a safe environment for the children but also support the addicted parent’s recovery. When parents are committed to making necessary changes, shared custody can often be maintained, and the family can move forward in a healthier way.

Conversely, if a parent refuses to acknowledge the severity of their addiction or take steps to address it, the situation may become more contentious. In these cases, the other parent may need to fight for sole custody to ensure the children’s safety. If you’re in this position, it’s important to work with legal and therapeutic professionals to develop a plan that protects your children while offering opportunities for the addicted parent to seek help.

Final Word

Divorce is never easy, and addiction adds another layer of difficulty. With the right support, it is possible to navigate these challenges and emerge stronger on the other side. Whether you’re struggling with addiction yourself or dealing with a partner’s substance use, seek help from a therapist, a 12-step program, or both.

Remember, recovery is a journey, not a destination. By addressing the underlying issues, building a strong support network, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a healthier, more stable future. for you and your family.

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