Three Factors That Affect the Cost of Divorce
By Gary Graham, Partner at Stern Edlin Graham Family Law
Divorce is one of the most challenging life events people face, both emotionally and financially. While each case is unique, several factors consistently influence the cost of divorce. Understanding these variables can help you navigate the process more effectively and avoid unnecessary expenses.
Here are three things that often impact the cost of divorce:
1. Expectations of the Parties
Unrealistic expectations are a significant factor in driving up the cost of divorce. For instance, a spouse who refuses to accept an equitable distribution of assets, significantly undervalues a family-owned business, or demands exorbitant alimony amounts can derail negotiations and push the case toward costly litigation. Expectations can change, so it is important to continue pre-trial negotiations to see if you reach a fair settlement—or one that you can live with.
2. Reasonableness of the Parties
How cooperative—or combative—each spouse is can significantly affect the cost of divorce. If one or both parties are unwilling to compromise or insist on fighting over every detail, the legal fees and emotional toll can quickly escalate. Emotional disputes, particularly over children or finances, often prolong the process and make it more expensive.
Certain behaviors, often rooted in emotion, can unnecessarily increase costs. These include:
- Fighting for the sake of fighting. For example, when a non-primary caregiver demands full custody just to hurt their spouse emotionally.
- Taking rigid or illogical positions. For example, your spouse takes a position that just doesn’t make sense, like wanting 90% of all assets.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of negotiating with an unreasonable spouse, taking them to court may be necessary. Judges often provide a much-needed reality check, particularly during temporary hearings where initial rulings set expectations. It might be hard, but sometimes you have to ignore the noise and let the judge and courts play their role.
Divorce is rarely simple, but understanding the factors that drive up costs can make the process less overwhelming.
3. The Attorneys Involved
Not all attorneys approach divorce the same way. Most prioritize their clients’ best interests, offering reasonable solutions that weigh the costs and benefits of major decisions. Others may prolong disputes, which increases fees. When choosing a divorce lawyer, it’s essential to find someone that will pursue negotiation where possible, and litigation when needed.
Some signs that your attorney is working in your best interest include:
- Providing a clear cost-benefit analysis to help you make decisions. For example, if you are considering going to trial and the trial will cost $100,000, you have to consider what you stand to gain. If your disagreement over finances with your spouse is $150,000, litigation may not be worth it. If the potential gain far outweighs the cost of litigation–say recovering $500,000–pursuing litigation might make sense.
- Helping you navigate emotional burnout. While the average divorce process can take a year or longer, I notice that most clients start to feel the strain of the process after eight to ten months. This is often when fatigue sets in, leading some people to want to settle for less favorable terms just to get it over with. To avoid making rushed decisions, I try to understand what clients truly want and give them choices. If it’s in your best interest to move forward, try to focus on self-care and rely on trusted advisors to guide you through the toughest moments and build resilience.
Ultimately, your attorney should explain your options, outline potential outcomes, and let you make key decisions based on your financial and personal priorities.
Final Word
Divorce is rarely simple, but understanding the factors that drive up costs can make the process less overwhelming. By working with a reputable attorney, maintaining reasonable expectations, and staying focused on the bigger picture, you can navigate this challenging time more effectively—and with fewer financial surprises.
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