Tips for Resolving Conflict in Divorce
By Jonathan Tuggle, Founding Shareholder at Boyd Collar Nolen Tuggle & Roddenbery Divorce and Family Law
So much of the divorce process is based on how aggressively one side or the other pursues it, and that is often grounded in the level of trust or distrust within the relationship. Divorce is inherently emotional, and disagreements often feel personal and overwhelming. One of the most challenging aspects of guiding clients through their divorce is helping them manage conflict. Effectively resolving conflict can lead to quicker settlements, reduced stress, and lower costs. Tips for resolving conflict and moving toward resolution in your divorce include:
Maintain Trust
A significant factor that can either ease or escalate emotions in a divorce is trust. Transparency is critical. Early in the divorce process, you have an opportunity to establish credibility, and you get one shot at it. In your average case, there’s going to be some amount of discovery conducted. It’s all going to come out. If the other side’s lawyer discovers that you have concealed something, it casts a shadow of doubt over everything that you represent and seemingly validates suspicions. If their lawyer is doing their job, they now have an elevated duty of due diligence because they can’t accept your word. This loss of trust will likely fuel deeper scrutiny, intensify disputes, and increase both time and costs.
On the other hand, when respect and trust are maintained, divorce becomes more transactional. If you are open and honest about finances, parenting plans, and other issues, you can focus on dividing assets, negotiating custody schedules, and moving forward.
Facing the complexities of divorce requires a combination of emotional resilience and effective conflict resolution.
Manage Emotions
Divorce is a deeply emotional experience, but letting your emotions take over can hinder your progress. Sadly, the parties are divorcing, but if they can maintain some level of respect, you’re probably getting out of there with a 50/50 deal and some reasonable custody arrangement. In contrast, when somebody has crossed a line and deeply betrayed trust, it may be tempting to bring that up throughout the process. Rehashing every transgression in the marriage, for example, may escalate tension without adding much value to your case. You’re just stoking the fire. Instead, consider whether the behavior or issue at hand has a tangible impact, such as financial waste or custody implications. You should be open and honest, but try not to engage on an emotional level. Emotions are already running high enough.
Seek Mental Health Support
Divorce is as much an emotional journey as it is a legal one. If unresolved or unmanaged emotions are clouding your judgment or preventing you from thinking clearly, counseling can be invaluable. Your physical and mental health is critical in your ability to make decisions, be solution-oriented, and focus on the practical aspects of your case. A therapist can help you process feelings of anger, sadness, or betrayal, empower you to approach the divorce with a clearer mind, and help position you for the next stage of your life.
Leverage Mediation or Arbitration
Mediation is a valuable tool for resolving conflict. In many states, courts require mediation before proceeding to trial. This process encourages both parties to work collaboratively toward an agreement and often leads to faster resolutions than litigation.
For those seeking more privacy or control, arbitration or private trial is another option. Unlike mediation, where either party can walk away at any time, arbitration leads to a binding decision made by a neutral third party. This can be a valuable middle ground for couples who cannot resolve their differences in mediation or want to avoid the public nature of a courtroom trial and would appreciate a less formal setting.
Final Word
Facing the complexities of divorce requires a combination of emotional resilience and effective conflict resolution. Embracing the principles of transparency, respect, and practical problem-solving can reduce animosity and protect your financial interests. Maintaining trust, managing emotions, seeking professional support, and leveraging tools like mediation or arbitration can help you approach the process with clarity and focus. While divorce is inherently challenging, resolving conflicts productively can pave the way for a smoother, less costly experience, allowing you to move forward with your life.
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