Six Stages of Divorce

There will be ups and downs, but recognizing that a new future awaits is key.

By The DivorceLawyer.com Team

Updated October 31, 2024

Divorce is an emotional process. As you move through the legal exercise of ending a marriage, it is equally important to acknowledge that you are also moving through a healing journey in response to this defining life event.

There are distinct stages of divorce, each filled with its own emotions. You might experience them one at a time, or all at once. You may move through one stage more quickly than the other. They don’t necessarily happen in a linear fashion, and you can move back and forth between stages as your healing evolves. Just when you think you are standing on your feet, you might find yourself taking a seat again.

Six stages of Divorce

Acknowledging the emotions and stages of divorce can be helpful. While your experience is uniquely your own, you are certainly not the only one who will experience these.

Disillusionment

Disillusionment often sets in early in the process. This is the stage where you start to recognize that the person you married isn’t who you expected them to be and the life you have created isn’t the one you want anymore. As we evolve, our expectations change. We change. Our wants change. If you and your partner haven’t changed at the same pace or in the same direction, you may find yourself losing love for the life you’ve created together.

Early on, this is the stage where there is still a possibility of reconciliation. If you openly communicate, work together, and find a way back to each other, you may be able to find new common ground that works for you both.

In contrast, as you move through the divorce process, you may find that disillusionment grows because your partner’s behaviors and attitude towards divorce and life after may surprise you in ways that you didn’t expect. You may find that they genuinely aren’t the person that you thought they were or that being married to them isn’t what you thought it would be.

Common emotions during this stage: disappointed, annoyed, irritated.

Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction is marked by the open expression of unhappiness by one or both partners. This happens as the feelings of a mismatch grow stronger, which can lead to arguments and blame.

During this phase, partners who are dedicated to salvaging the relationship will communicate openly and honestly, and may seek the support of counseling. They will also act with empathy and understanding so that they can work towards a common understanding of each other’s needs.

Partners who are moving toward divorce may find themselves withdrawing, arguing more, and finding fault in each other when they can’t resolve their issues.

Common emotions during this stage: doubt, grief, stress, guilt, anger, relief, tension

There will be ups and downs, but recognizing that a new future awaits is key.

Decision

The decision phase is a turning point. Deciding to divorce is difficult, and deciding to stay may not be easy. Some couples may take some time apart to test out how life could unfold without each other. Others worry about what will happen with their children, assets, or friends.

For couples moving forward with divorce, the decision is about making a firm choice and recognizing that there’s likely no going back. This begins a shift in identity for both individuals and families, and can bring on a deep sense of loss.

Alternatively, for couples who decide to stay, it is important to determine whether you are both committed to the marriage and are willing to put in the work. If divorce looms over that, it’s unlikely that you will be successful. Both parties have to commit to taking divorce off the table, otherwise you may just be delaying the inevitable.

Common emotions during this stage: anger, tired, fed up, worry, guilt, uncertainty, sadness, resentment.

Action

Once a decision to divorce is made, the practicalities set in. You’ll want to find a good lawyer who can represent your interests. You’ll also start making preparations or movements toward separating assets and physical space, determining child custody, emotional separation, telling friends and family, and taking on all that your new identity encompasses.

Common emotions during this stage: anger, blame, practical, worry, sadness, shame, fear, guilt, resolve, strength.

Acceptance

Acceptance is all about finding your new self as you move through the world as a divorcee and newly single person. It is a process in and of itself that may come quickly for some, and take years for others. Be gentle with yourself during this time as you realize that your married life was not fulfilling, and that there is still life ahead. If you have children, they will need your help understanding that they are loved and that the divorce was not their fault. They might feel a loss of security, and their behaviors may communicate feelings that they cannot fully express with words.

You might also be surprised by your own behaviors, thoughts, and actions as you explore the world through a new lens. This is common and comes as a product of the changes you are experiencing. There will be ups and downs, but recognizing that a new future awaits is key.

Common emotions during this phase: nervous, sad, hopeful, lonely, strong, refreshed, excited, ok.

Freedom

Divorce leads to starting over. In this shift from being married to single, you will likely experience a sense of freedom along the way. How you experience this will depend on many factors, including how long you held on to dissatisfaction and disillusionment before moving forward with decision and action, and your financial picture. For some, the moment you finally utter, “I want a divorce,” brings freedom and relief. For others, you might be wondering what this newly found freedom means – will I need to go back to work? How will I manage parenting on my own? Will I keep the same friends? Where will I celebrate the holidays? Freedom can be thrilling and terrifying all at once. One thing is certain – your life is yours alone to shape.

Common emotions during this stage: hope, excitement, fear, invincible, determined, open.

Go Your Own Way

Divorce can be daunting, but you aren’t alone. As you move through the emotional stages of divorce, surround yourself with a good support system, including friends, family, and a good attorney.

This is your life. When it doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would, find a new way and create the life you want.

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