Five Biggest Mistakes to Avoid During Divorce

Divorce is a challenging and emotional process. As an experienced divorce attorney, I’ve seen clients make decisions in the heat of the moment that can significantly impact their case. Mistakes made during this time can complicate negotiations, fuel animosity, and even increase legal costs. To help you avoid these pitfalls, here are some of the biggest mistakes I see clients make—and how to steer clear of them.

  1. Lying or Withholding Information
  2. Listening to the Wrong People
  3. Allowing Power Dynamics to Persist
  4. Failing to Adjust Behavior
  5. Mishandling Financial Disclosures

Five Biggest Mistakes

Lying or Withholding Information

Being honest with your attorney is absolutely critical. Your lawyer is your advocate and is bound by attorney-client privilege, meaning our conversations are private, but I can’t make informed, strategic decisions if I don’t know the whole story. Whether it’s financial details, personal conduct, or other significant events, withholding information can backfire. I’ve unknowingly stepped into a lot of bad situations that perhaps I could have navigated around for the client had I known the full story. To provide effective representation, your lawyer needs all the facts.

Sometimes a client will fail to disclose something like an affair because they are embarrassed, or omit assets because they don’t want their spouse to get half. Opposing counsel is likely to uncover it during the discovery process. Once that happens, it casts doubt on your credibility and may compel the other side to scrutinize details of your case more aggressively. This can lead to prolonged litigation, increased costs, and a loss of trust that’s difficult to rebuild.

To avoid this, be completely open and forthright with your attorney from the start. Even if you’re embarrassed or worried about how certain information might affect your case, your lawyer needs to know the full picture.

Divorce is the time to focus on presenting the best version of yourself.

Listening to the Wrong People

Divorce often attracts unsolicited advice from friends, family, and even casual acquaintances. While well-meaning, these individuals are not legal professionals and may incorrectly compare your case to others. It is important not to try to measure your case by another, as cases may seem similar, but the circumstances could be vastly different.

Every divorce is unique, and advice from someone else’s experience may not apply to your situation. Worse, listening to uninformed or emotionally charged advice can lead you to make decisions that are not in your best interest. Instead, trust your attorney’s expertise. They understand the legal nuances of your case and are equipped to guide you based on those facts and circumstances.

Allowing Power Dynamics to Persist

Another big mistake happens when a spouse tries to carry unhealthy dynamics, like financial control or emotional manipulation, into the divorce process. I may see this when I represent the non-moneyed spouse, typically someone who has been a homemaker, where there is a significant imbalance of power in the marriage. Over time, this dynamic may have left the individual feeling suppressed or controlled. Even as they learn that their spouse’s interests are directly opposed to their own, they may still defer to their soon-to-be ex-spouse’s opinions on how the case will unfold or what actions they should take. For instance, I’ve had clients argue against their own best interests because their spouse insisted they wouldn’t be entitled to alimony or certain assets. Breaking free from these patterns is critical.

As your attorney, I’m here to advocate for you. A dominant spouse doesn’t want that, so they’re going to do whatever they can to create division between you and your lawyer, or whoever it is that’s a positive influence on you and your case. My role is to ensure you have a voice and that your rights are protected. Part of the process involves helping you recognize when your spouse’s assertions are self-serving or inaccurate. Empowerment during a divorce can be transformative, both legally and personally.

Failing to Adjust Behavior

Divorce often puts a spotlight on your actions, which may be amplified due to the situation. Missteps, like excessive drinking, continued infidelity, or reckless spending, can be used against you, particularly in custody or financial disputes. For instance, if you’re in a custody battle and you have a drinking problem, now would be the time to cut back on drinking. If your behavior raises concerns about your ability to parent, it could significantly impact the court’s decision.

Divorce is the time to focus on presenting the best version of yourself. Address any habits or behaviors that might be detrimental to your case, and understand that everything you do during the divorce process may be scrutinized.

Mishandling Financial Disclosures

Financial transparency is non-negotiable in a divorce. Whether it’s concealing assets, downplaying income, or failing to disclose upcoming financial windfalls, any attempt to mislead your spouse can derail your case. The discovery process is designed to uncover hidden information, and even a small omission can lead to deeper scrutiny. Opposing counsel will question your honesty, which can undermine your credibility.

To avoid this, be upfront about your financial situation from the outset. Full disclosure not only builds trust but also ensures a smoother process and better outcomes.

Final Word

Avoiding common mistakes can help you better navigate the challenging process of divorce. Be honest with your attorney, focus on your own well-being, and trust the professionals you’ve hired to guide you. By staying transparent, listening to the right advice, and avoiding behaviors that could harm your case, you will be better positioned to work toward the best possible outcome. Remember, the decisions you make during your divorce will have a lasting impact on your future, so take the time to make informed, strategic choices.

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