Choosing the Right Divorce Process

Be honest with yourself about what you need.

By The DivorceLawyer.com Team

Updated August 9, 2024

When facing divorce, whether you are the one who chooses to end your marriage or not, it is natural to be overwhelmed with emotions and feel unsure about what to do next. One of the most important decisions you will make early on is which type of process you will use to make decisions throughout the divorce – mediation, collaboration, or litigation. The process you select may impact your future relationship with your ex-spouse, your future co-parenting relationship, and your level of satisfaction with the final divorce judgment. There are pros and cons to each, and understanding the differences can help you find the best fit for your situation.

Choosing the Right Divorce Process

Mediation

Mediation is a facilitated discussion between spouses with the help of a mediator. The mediator is sometimes, but not always, an attorney themselves, but they do not represent either party. You can still work with a personal attorney, but they may not always be present in the mediation sessions. If you use the mediation process, consult your attorney for the best approach for your unique circumstances and preferences.

How it works

Over a series of sessions, the mediator works with both spouses to discuss issues, work through anything that needs to be resolved, gather information needed to answer any questions that might come up, and pull together an agreement. The attorneys or mediator then draws up a settlement agreement, which is executed by the parties. The process of mediation offers autonomy because there are few formal rules and you are able to work together with your spouse on the key issues of your divorce. This can be empowering for some couples as they work through their divorce together, and can be overwhelming for others.

Who is it for

Mediation is a good fit for people who have a fairly balanced relationship, where both people feel able to speak for themselves. It is important that each spouse feels able to state their views, and would not be in a position of holding back because they are afraid of their partner’s potential reactions.

Why it works

Mediation works when a couple is comfortable dealing directly with each other and the issues that need to be resolved are relatively less contentious. When couples can speak frankly and work out issues pertaining to the divorce themselves, they are able to feel a real sense of ownership over their process and the result.

Be honest with yourself about what you need.

Collaboration

Collaboration, or collaborative divorce, is a type of mediation where couples work with each other and a team of experts in fields like legal, emotional, financial, and parenting, to resolve the issues that pertain to their divorce. The lawyers involved are typically not allowed to litigate the case, so everyone in the room is focused on reaching a settlement.

How it works

A collaborative lawyer works with both spouses and their attorneys in an informal setting to express their concerns and identify the issues that are most important to them. A team is assembled that helps work through each issue. The group evaluates the economic and social realities of the case and creates options that make sense for both parties. Once agreed, the team develops a resolution so that the divorce can be finalized.

Who is it for

Collaboration is a good fit for people who want more flexibility than a traditional courtroom and want to work out their issues amongst themselves with some support in doing so. They might need support having their voices heard, and might not feel entirely comfortable doing that on their own.

Why it works

Collaborative divorce works when both parties are comfortable working directly with each other outside of court and with the help of a team to find resolutions. Having an attorney in the room can offer the reassurance of an ally with your best interests in mind. Also, having various experts to help address your specific issues can help couples find some sense of closure and more satisfaction in their divorce outcome.

Litigation

Litigation is the most traditional way that people work towards divorce. Couples work with attorneys to understand their rights and work through the issues of the case, leveraging the expertise of trusted legal counsel.

How it works

Both spouses hire lawyers and work through their legal team toward settlement. If an agreement cannot be reached, the case will be argued in court where a judge will make final decisions about issues like division of assets, child custody, child support, and alimony. Once the trial begins, couples may still settle until the judge makes a final decision.

Who is it for

Litigation may be the best option in complex cases, where two sides just can’t agree on their own, where there is domestic violence, fear, or bullying, or where there seems to be an impenetrable smokescreen between individuals. Because mediation and collaboration are voluntary, litigation is also the only option if either spouse refuses a different process.

Why it works

Litigation offers a pathway to divorce through guidelines and rules applied by the court. Regardless of a couple’s ability to agree on a way forward, a judge can resolve any outstanding issues and finalize the divorce.

Go Your Own Way

Choosing the right process for your situation is paramount. Whether you decide to engage directly with your soon-to-be ex through mediation or collaboration, or you want to move to litigation to resolve your issues, be honest with yourself about what you need. This will help you move down the right path from the beginning and start assembling the team you need to create an outcome that you can move forward with.

Stay in the Know

Sign up for DivorceLawyer’s newsletter and join a network that empowers those navigating divorce.

    Get Informed. Get Empowered

    Read up on essential divorce topics to learn more about the process and all its different aspects.

    Introductions, no pressure

    Connect with a Top Divorce Attorney
    in Ashburn, VA

    Go to Ashburn, VA page

    Are you in a different location? We can introduce you to the best family lawyers in your area

    Close-up of two people shaking hands over a desk with documents, symbolizing agreement and collaboration.