Seven Strategies to Save Stress and Money in a Divorce

Any rough estimate of the annual cost of divorce lands in the billions. Clearly, any money that is saved on an individual basis can be used to cover the costs of splitting from one residence into two.

This obvious goal comes with an inherent problem. Many divorcing couples are unable to communicate effectively and constructively, which can make it difficult to minimize divorce costs.

Seven Divorce Tools to Save You Stress – and Money
These seven suggestions and strategies are tools for the divorcee that can result in saving thousands of dollars. Some of these suggestions are common negotiation strategies for high-conflict business situations that have been applied to the process of divorce:

• The Right Attorney
• Key Divorce Goals
• Quick Resolution Bonus
• Two Settlement Proposals
• Don’t Speak First
• Meet First
• Insist on a “Special Master”

The Right Attorney

Seek out a skilled attorney, ideally one familiar with your spouse’s attorney.

Familiarity between the attorneys can help:

• If one or both spouses are not being reasonable
• To resolve issues more quickly
• Lessen legal costs

Key Divorce Goals

Force yourself to identify two to three key divorce goals.

Arm your attorney with these goals and compromise everywhere else. This step will give your attorney clarity about your objectives and, in addition, foster a spirit of cooperation. In doing this from the start, you are identifying the issues on which you are willing to compromise. With fewer issues to debate, this too should result in a faster agreement and a lessening of fees.

Quick Resolution Bonus

Offer a “bonus” for quick resolution to avoid a lengthy and costly negotiation. This can be framed in a mutually beneficial manner, for example: “If we can conclude our negotiations in three weeks, we should save an estimated $6000 on combined legal fees. I propose we look to compromise as much as possible, and if we can achieve this, I would like to offer this entire $6000 savings to you in addition to the final agreed settlement.”

If accepted, not only will the divorcing couple have use of this $6000 as they restart their lives, but this is also another example of fostering the right energy that can lessen the desire to bicker on minor issues and lead to further savings on legal costs.

Two Settlement Proposals

In particularly contentious divorces, a great strategy is to ask your attorney to draft two outlines for separation agreements.

Seeing which proposal your spouse gravitates towards can illuminate where to focus to get the deal done. Because communication is commonly at a low point, it is not uncommon for divorcing couples to be making erroneous assumptions. This step can dramatically shorten negotiations.

Don’t Speak First

Have your attorney insist on receiving an initial settlement offer from your
spouse’s lawyer.

While this strategy won’t necessarily reveal where your spouse is likely to compromise, it will help to quickly clarify areas of agreement. Identifying which issues matter to your spouse can save significant legal fees.

Meet First

If both attorneys are agreeable, ask your spouse to meet to try to create a list of areas of agreement.

This can be non-binding and subject to review by respective attorneys. This step can eliminate many negotiation items, resulting in reduced legal fees.

Insist on a “Special Master”

A Special Master is a tie-breaker provision built into the divorce agreement that allows for resolutions of future issues without having to resort to the courts.

This can save significant legal costs and stress after separation. I discuss the mechanics and benefits of a Special Master in much greater detail in my book.

Unfortunately, many people incorrectly view compromise during divorce negotiations as a potential cost or weakness. That is misguided. Most who compromise on the greater quantity of issues realize two benefits. First, thousands of dollars can be saved by minimizing the negotiation process. Second, compromising on the majority of points thereby helps the divorcee and a skilled attorney realize the two or three key objectives and goals that are of paramount importance to you.

To help understand the pure scale of the potential savings, assume the above seven strategies used by each divorce couple nets just a one-time $1000 saving. With an estimated 830,000 divorces per year in the USA, that is just short of a one trillion-dollar saving. On an individual basis, these funds are often desperately needed by the separating couple as they look to move on with their lives.

These seven strategies will help those going through divorce remain strategic and focused, despite the presence of heightened emotions and stress. This should result in a faster deal, a fair agreement, and in doing so, set a framework for a better co-parenting relationship that can benefit the couple and their children for years to come.

Andy Heller is a California-based businessman and author of Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family. The 2nd edition is now available on Amazon.